The Beginning at Every End

New Lessons From a Dog

It's been almost 4 months now since I got Spock and I'm amazed how much having a dog changes one's life.  I can tell I'm less stressed, less lonely, and worry less about things that really don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.  Funny how such a litte package comes with such big benefits.

 

However, I'm facing my first real challenge with continuing to train him.  I've always been something of a bossy control freak but it wasn't until the last couple weeks that I learned how much of one I am. There's a fine line between being a 'Nag' and being a 'Leader'... and at some point in the last month I must  have  stepped over that boundary.

 

(Getting into trouble, and definitely ignoring my command "Stop".)

 

Essentially, Spock has stopped responding to the name "Spock."  It wasn't until I noticed him running away from me instead of coming when called him that made me realize how negatively controlling I must have become over the last few months.  Fortunately and by accident I called him Lumpy and he instantaneously responded well to it- I've been calling him Lumpy Spock ever since... moreso just Lumpy and less Spock this weekend and so far this week.  The first day of doing so I taught him how to "shake hands" within 10 minutes whereas before hand training had come to a complete stand still.

 

Sure "Shake" isn't an essential or practical command, but it's one of those commands that expands their human language vocabulary and gives them a little ego pick-me-up when he does it correctly and receives a yummy treat. 

 

Furthermore, I now avoid using the command "Come" because I realized, before, everytime I said "come" it was to take him away from his next door doggy friends, or to tell him not to eat bunny crap in the yard, or to stop him from rolling in whatever it is dogs insist in rolling in 15 minutes after a bath.  It's no wonder then that Spock developed selective hearing and stopped responding to the command and his name altogether.  Besides, no one wants to spend much time with a hyper-critical, stick in the mud party pooper.  So now I play the "Where's the puppy?" game, and when he appears in front of me after I ask "Where's the puppy?" while pretending I can't see him doing whatever it is I dont' want him to, I then give him a treat and a good pat.  It's so far working magically.  Course, it also helps when the temperature is freezing and it's snowing and sleeting out... it's just not pleasant to be outside very long.  Thank-you Mother Nature.

 

So Spock is now Lumpy and he impresses the crowds with his ability to Sit, Lay Down, Roll Over, and Shake Hands... however sometimes I have to vary the order of the commands so he doesn't just do them because he knows the "routine" to get the treat.  I realized this problem when I told him to "sit" and he had already gotten to Shake Hands after sitting, laying down, and rolling over.

 

But among the useful commands, he now knows Walk With Me, Run With Me, Heel, Stop, Car (which means to stop and sit in the grass on the side of the road until the car passes), Mail (which means to sit and wait on the front stoop until I return from the mailbox), Kisses (which I use when he starts playing too roughly with me or another dog),  Do You Want to Play? (which I ask with an outstretched hand, and he goes and fetches his toy of choice out of this toy chest and puts it in my hand for me to toss or play tug of war with), Are You Ready For Work? (which I ask as I get my coffee, he sits at the door until I'm ready and then we go to work together), Car Ride? (which means he's to sit at the passenger side door until I open it and let him in), Quiet, Hungry?, Thirsty?, Go Potty?, Up? (The affirmative answer for any of these is for him to sit and wait patiently), and I'll Be Back (which means to get into bed and take a nap until I get home again, which he invariably does according to those who stay with him while I'm away-- he refuses to leave his bed until I return).

 

So he does know quite a few useful practical things.... he's incredibly smart and has a very big human vocabulary list for an 8 month old puppy.  But knowing commands also comes with high expectations for a dog to consistently respond to them correctly... and sometimes an 8 month old puppy just doesn't want to follow commands all the time. I've learned the valuable lesson that I must let him just have fun and let him be a puppy sometimes. 

 

He's been responding well to the new name and my awareness of his newly developed selective hearing but I can't help but keep thinking, How typically male. Overall though, he's the greatest puppy a person could hope for and my life's been so blessed since he arrived. 

 

Everyday I wake up feeling grateful now, and what a refreshing change that is.

 

 

posted by: hawkeye at 23:51 | link | comments (2) |
spock

Unconditional Love and Conditional Relationships

As much as I hate to think about my mistakes in the past, I've come to accept the fact that looking back until we understand the mistake is the only way we can fully move on with greater understanding of ourselves.

 

I've been contemplating a comment an ex made about why our relationship didn't work.  He mentioned that I simply had too high expectations of him, and rather than accepting him as he was and staying in a relationship, I only wanted perfection from him and couldn't accept his flaws or let his mistakes go.

 

And from that I started to wonder what exactly 'Unconditional Love' was and if I truly believed it was possible to unconditionally love someone.  I came to the conclusion that, yes, it is possible to love someone unconditionally despite their flaws- HOWEVER having a healthy relationship with someone is conditional on a number of factors like time together, environment, the physical and emotional availability of the people involved, and the affects of past personal experiences in relationships and consequent coping behaviors (their baggage).  Unconditional love with the right conditions creates the ideal relationship most of us strive for.

 

On the less ideal end of the spectrum of unconditional love: We can love someone unconditionally to our own physical and emotional detriment. And If that's what is expected of us in a relationship, then that expectation is too high.  With that perspective under my belt, I then had to analyze what exactly I was expecting of him and if those expectations were too high. 

 

I expected him to not sexually assault me, not hit me with the car, not drink excessively every weekend to the point of irresponsible behavior that threatened my own and others' physical safety, and not throw things in anger in my general viscinity.  Sure I loved my ex unconditionally, but the conditions that would foster a healthy thriving relationship with him just simply were not present.... and that's why the relationship failed.  My expectations of him were not too high. These were the only reasons we argued- they weren't petty problems, they were huge nagging problems. Anyone who knows right from wrong and has a conscience knows this kind of behavior is wrong and shouldn't be tolerated.  Yes, we can stay or leave the relationship still loving a person unconditionally-- but being expected stay in a relationship with these harmful conditions is a too high an expectation in and of itself. 

 

I think too often we don't see the line between unconditional love and conditional relationships.  It's one thing to love someone despite their flaws and differences... another thing to actually be able to have a healthy and predominantly happy relationship with them.  We can love someone unconditionally, and watch them marry someone else because we've accepted the fact that they are happier with that other person.  We can still love them even if they're with someone else. Unconditionally loving someone entails respecting their decisions and boundaries.  We can also love someone unconditionally and help them move into a new town 1000 miles away to pursue their career because that's what they think will make them happier in life.  Just because they move doesn't mean we have to stop loving them.  Unconditional love doesn't change, but conditions are always changing and you never know if, how, and/or when they'll change.

 

In that light, yes we should always strive to love unconditionally, to accept others and their decisions as they are, and to always strive to create the ideal conditions for the ideal relationship. But when the conditions don't keep us physically or emotionally safe- don't expect yourself to be able to maintain a healthy relationship with that particular person.  Leave and wait to see if the conditions change.  If they don't, then you're better off loving that person unconditionally from a safe and happier distance.

 

And lastly, if someone expects you to stay in the harmful conditions of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship, then they are the ones that have too high expectations of you and they haven't learned what uncondtional love truly is.... not the other way around.

posted by: hawkeye at 02:17 | link | comments |

Groomed

So Spock got groomed today and I had fun taking pictures of him.  The groomer mentioned his coat was so ugly because his previous owner hadn't fed him enough and whatever they fed him wasn't nutritionally sound for a growing puppy.  She cut his hair until she found the new healthy silky hair and then stopped.  Course once she cut  the hair off you could tell he was on the skinny side and that was just a sad reminder of his history.  But here he is sitting pretty, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. :)

 

Before:

 

 

After:

 

 

 

 

He might look like he's up to no good, but he was just watching me make beads. Spock's a good boy. 

 

Now if I can just get him house-trained... that continues to be a challenge.  His biggest problems are the mornings. Even if I get up at 6:30am that's still about 45 minutes too late for him even with a quick walk at midnight. Otherwise he's able to hold for at least 4 hours... 5 and a half is stretching it... and 6 is definitely not happening at this point.  But we've been consistent with 4 to 5 hours which is great for a 4 month old who'se been caged up his entire life.

 

He's a work in progress, but then, aren't we all...  

posted by: hawkeye at 23:06 | link | comments (1) |
spock

Spock, Meet World...

So I caved and now fostering a new puppy.  Havanese, born 4/4/2008, male, neutered, microchipped, and very sweet and quiet.  He's predominantly black but he does have grey socks and grey sprigs on his eyebrows... which is why I named him Spock.  I gave him a bath and these grey sprigs were sticking straight out like Spock's eyebrows-- so Spock it is.  Course right now he looks just like a big black fluff ball, but tomorrow he'll be seeing the vet and be groomed so he'll somewhat resemble a puppy dog.  I'll take another picture tomorrow, but of course like every mom I had to take the proverbial "First Day Home" picture. lol

 

 

He was munching dinner- he's now puppy napping so I'll go out and get him a dog bed real quick while he's out of it.  He has yet to bark.... which I think is a good sign that he'll be a relatively quiet dog.  Come to think of it, I don't think my parents' havanese puppies bark much at all either.  We'll see.  Knock on wood.  Just need to get him house trained now which might be a little difficult being he's already 4 months old.  Usually they're half way house trained by 4 months.  Cross your fingers that that won't become a hassle either.  Otherwise, I'm comfortable with my decision to be a doggy mom and looking forward to turning him into a good family pet. 

 

Ah well... Spock, meet world... World, Spock.... 

posted by: hawkeye at 01:33 | link | comments (2) |
spock

I mowed my yard today.... with a power push mower..... by hand.... all 2 acres of it.... it took 5.5 hours....  I smoked myself.  First hour went by like a breeze, second hour started getting tough cause I started doing the bank by the road and that was pretty steep.  I took a short 10 minute break and drank 40oz of water and went back out.  Now mind you it was a pretty decent day to mow.  It was only about 87 degrees out and it wasn't humid and there was a light cool breeze, but I was still sweating like a smoked pig. 

 

By the third hour -- well lets just say you must smell bad when you start attracting buzzards.  Two started circling and swooping down to investigate me more closely-- buzzing around my head so closely I could actually feel the wind from their wing beats each time they passed.  After about 45 minutes I think they figured out I wasn't dead--- I was just a really smelly human being after nearly 4 hours of mowing.  They flew off to find something else to eat.  Thank god.  Quite an unnerving experience. They are ugly bastards.

 

I took another quick break because my muscles were starting to twitch with fatigue and I remembered I'd forgotten to eat anything for breakfast and it was already 3pm.  So I had a little bit of cottage cheese with French Dressing, a small piece of dill pickle, 3 slices of sandwich sliced ham with mustard, a diet pepsi and another 20oz of water.  I literally had to force myself to eat... for some reason I felt like throwing up the moment I started eating my sliced ham but I knew I needed to eat.... so I ate it and kept it down.  Took about 15 minutes and then I was out doing the last hour and half worth of work.

 

By the time I was done, it took pretty much all my strength left to wheel the lawn mower back into the garage and put the weed eater and leaf blower back up on the wall.  My arms feel like useless pieces of meat at my sides even after trying to choke down half a regular Pepsi and another 20oz of water.  I feel nauseated and I know I should eat something but everytime I think about eating I feel like gagging.  Liquids sound more appetizing than anything else right now so I think I'll just drink water and gatorade the rest of the day. 

 

The calories burned calculators I use say I burned between 1475-1700 calories for power mowing by hand 5.5 hours and somehow I actually feel like I burned that many if not more.  I'm smoked.... I've never felt this smoked in my life....

 

But I have to say the yard looks awesome.  :)   

posted by: hawkeye at 20:04 | link | comments |

Puppy Shopping

I've been in the process of puppy shopping since May.  I finished figuring out what breed I want- I want a Havanese like my parents have simply because they are supposedly hypoallergenic and don't shed, and they are smallish- but not too small.  I've learned from my week-long trial with a beautiful Chocolate Lab named Rosco from the local shelter back in May/June, a Lab is simply too big for me to handle on my own, and generally too big for this small house. She was so precious- she followed me at my heels all over the place and, consequently, I kept tripping on her-- the tripping was made worse by the close confines. And ultimately- apparently I'm allergic to them.  Rosco wasn't a good match with my schnoz.  So I decided a Havanese would be the perfect size for this small house and for my physical ability to manage, as well not as bad for my allergies.  

 

Size is also important when it comes to the amount of food I'll have to buy each year... larger dogs eat more-- smaller dogs eat significantly less.  Simple.  Also finding temporary housing for a smaller dog in case I go on vacation for a couple weeks is easier than finding housing for a larger dog.  People are just more willing to take care of a small dog than a larger dog.  What's better is my sweet neighbor here has two shi-tsu's (one is a puppy she just got 3 weeks ago) and has already offered to take care of my puppy if I ever needed her to... and I've of course offered the same service to her also.  It's nice to have such a sweet neighbor.   

 

I've also figured out my price-range-- which was important mainly because, unlike my parents, I honestly can't afford to pay nearly $2000 for one (and they have two-- I often wonder if we live on the same planet our lifestyles are so different-- I can only hope one day I'll live in their world where I can afford to pay that much for a pet).  Yes, I want one from AKC champion Havanese bloodlines, however since I'm only looking for a pet and not a competitive show dog, something between $600-$1000 is, in my humble opinion, a reasonable price range for a Havanese.  And included in that price, I want the puppy Microchipped. 

 

As for color and sex, I want a Tri-color female-- preferably tan, black, and white.

 

After doing all this researching for the last few months, I think I might have found her finally.  If I decide to purchase her and send in my deposit to reserve her I'll post her picture.  Her name is Hanah and I'll be able to bring her home August 22nd.  She's gorgeous and they're offering her at about $675- including microchipping.  Otherwise the search will continue.   So please cross your fingers for me and Hanah- I would love to have a new companion for the next umpteen years.

posted by: hawkeye at 02:12 | link | comments |

Lake and Garden

It was such a gorgeous evening I went out at around sunset and took some pictures of the lake behind my house and of my new garden... my first summer Glads are starting to bloom.  If you click on the pics you'll be directed to it and others that are in my Flickr photostream.  Enjoy! :)

 

  

posted by: hawkeye at 04:55 | link | comments (2) |

It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom.  It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.

~  Mohandas K. Gandhi

 

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It is a wholesome and necessary thing for us to turn again to the earth and in the contemplation of her beauties to know of wonder and humility.

~  Rachel Carson

 

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The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient.

~ St. Augustine

 

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Life is a long lesson in humility.

~  James M. Barrie

 

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Humility is knowing you yourself desperately require forgiveness as the greatest of all needs. 

~  Martha Kilpatrick

 

posted by: hawkeye at 01:57 | link | comments |
quotes and poetry

I'm nobody! Who are you? ~ Dickinson

posted by: hawkeye at 14:56 | link | comments (1) |
quotes and poetry

"As much as I can stand" ~ Anderson

posted by: hawkeye at 14:52 | link | comments |
quotes and poetry

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